Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
