If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
