you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
