Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize