tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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