i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
