I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
