we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
