What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
