He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
