It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
