I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
