I hate all girls vehemently.
Small penises have feelings too.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
