standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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