hotel room ftw
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
