So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
foreskin is a definite game changer
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
