my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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