Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
