I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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