I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
