Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
