Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
