i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
