i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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