his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
