he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
