Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
