I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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