You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize