lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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