I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Even my vagina gasped.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
