dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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