So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
