i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
