I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
