just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
