just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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