Where are you?
In a non slutty way
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
