I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
