he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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