Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
