Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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