Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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