Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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