Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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