There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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