I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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