How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
operation harelip BJ is a go
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
