i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
