Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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