Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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