Where are you?
In a non slutty way
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
