I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
