Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
