literally had 100 drinks last night.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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