Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
