So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
