It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
