Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
