I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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