I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
