he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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