I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
