Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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