my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
