the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
