The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
