The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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